Looking for the Light

I don't know about you, but I don't always feel the same way about the holiday season each year.  There are some people who are decorating for Christmas on November 1 every year and pumping that Mariah Carey with enthusiasm and that's sometimes all you see.  I'm writing this post for those of us who are a bit slower to get into the holiday season and to affirm that that's okay.  I remember one year being ready to cue up those Christmas playlists right on November 1 but particularly over the past couple of years, the lead up to Christmas day was more filled with anxiety rather than anticipation.  What could we get excited for and what would we be missing out on? 

This year, all seems to be "normal" but I don't quite feel ready for Christmas yet.  However I have found there have been small little things that have tweaked that excitement - I booked our time to see Santa at the mall, I got my first Starbucks holiday mug on the day they were released, we made reservations for breakfast with Santa at the golf club, and after I write this I'm going to send out the invitation for our annual Christmas party.  Each one a step towards the actual "big day". 

Then at church today our minister spoke about a near death experience he had where he had flatlined briefly. Whenever he had told the story since, everyone always wanted to know if he saw the light when he had "died", and he was sort of disappointed to say no, he only remembers darkness.  I mean, aren't we all looking towards the light of heaven at the end of our lives?! But, what he does remember is that in that time between his heartbeat returning and going to the ICU, his wife said to him "You'd better pull through this because there is a good chance there are three of us here and we will need you to stick around".  He said that although he didn't see a light when his heart stopped beating, the light was right there in that room when his wife told him she thought she was pregnant.  And he continued to say that the light and love of God is happening around us all the time.  So we can wait for the end light of heaven or we can notice and enjoy the light around us everyday.  

Is that not the perfect analogy for my thoughts on Christmas this year?  Sometimes we get so pulled into the big day, when really it's only 24 hours on the calendar.  The Christmas season is much longer than that and doing things like booking Santa or hearing the first Christmas carol are all fine on their own.  So maybe you're not into putting up your tree now or blaring that holiday music, or maybe you are, but whatever works for you, I hope you feel that light as we go forward into the season.

Covid - One year later

 A little recap of our time since the coronavirus came into our lives. Settle in.

January 2020 - We travelled to Hawaii and thought nothing of the virus.  I knew about it and that it had rumblings of being a problem, but since SARS never turned into a global pandemic, then that sort of outcome wasn't even on my radar.  At that time we were thinking about the forest fires in Australia and the Ukrainian flight shot down in Iran. 

I did see that the Coronavirus was becoming a bigger problem in China so I started to pay attention.  I saved the Johns Hopkins tracking tool on my computer and checked it everyday.

I travelled to Timmins for work in the week of January.  I wore a mask on the plane because I had a bad cough and I didn't want people to be suspicious of me.  I saw very few people with a mask at the airport. 

I started thinking about how our business (mining construction) might be impacted if the coronavirus really took off.  People at my office didn't seem too concerned. It also seemed inconceivable that governments in Canada could impose any sort of lockdown restrictions like we were seeing in (Communist) China at this time.

February 2020 - I admit that other than trying to wash my hands more and trying not to touch anything on the subway (which I always tried to do anyway), I didn't think too much about the virus.  However I did think to get extra toilet paper and we started stocking up on extra food, just in case.  My cough was still with me and I did end up getting a chest x-ray but no evidence of a major problem so I was prescribed a puffer, nasal spray, and sinus wash and eventually I got better. 

We had dinner with our friends at the end of February.  We talked about the virus since our friend is an infectious disease doctor.  Dave and I were kind of flippant about it, and Mark said this is going to be a big deal, what we saw happening in Italy was going to happen here, so we were quickly sobered to that thought and realized we should be thinking more about this.  Interestingly we were crammed into the restaurant we ate at that night, Nodo. I believe the last time we ate out at a restaurant before the first lock down.

March 2020 - We had a trip planned for Jamaica, departing March 20.  We started wondering if we should go, and went back and forth and whether it would be okay.  My parents had a Northern European cruise booked for April and at this point were still thinking they would be going on that cruise.  And then of course things just shut down, and I think it was the shut down of the NBA that really got things going.  It was like, "whoa, if they are shutting down major sports, this is a big deal!".  Then it was announced that the kids would have two more weeks off from school after March Break.  We thought, "What are we going to do with them for three weeks!?!" (how naïve we were). 

We made the decision to cancel our trip to Jamaica, which of course became a moot point when travel became restricted shortly thereafter.  We thought about when we would try to reschedule, the friends we were travelling with thought about May and we thought we would go in November. Obviously, this trip has yet to be rescheduled. 

I attended an in-person fitness class on Saturday, March 14 and remember thinking, "I don't think I should be here".  I also went to the office on Monday, March 16, but drove in instead of taking the subway.  I remember packing up my things and knowing it would be awhile before I returned.  Even though I have gone in a handful of times since then, a permanent return to the office is still a long way off.

My work carried on throughout this time as our business was declared essential, and we had to deal with lots of different challenges, like travel for our employees to remote mine sites, and making sure we were doing everything possible to keep people safe. 

We stayed home, other than some hikes, and we stayed away from others.  

April to June 2020 - School and daycare remained closed and online school started for E.  Work was also very busy as we tried dealing with the pandemic's implications on our business.   It was a stressful time of juggling work obligations and the kids being home.  What I found most exhausting is that I was thinking about Covid all of the time.  It was just a constant theme in everything and I didn't even know what I was worried about after awhile - was it my own chances of getting sick, what was socially acceptable behaviour, whether we would ever get back to normal, how the kids were doing, etc. and that of course on top of all of the other regular worries.

The online set up for E wasn't great so I mostly just yelled at him to get his work done.  And we tried not to have too much TV time for Q, but that's often how it worked out.  We did try to get outside most days and that was helpful.  We left the city for the first time in months and went camping at Sandbanks at the end of June.  

July and August 2020 - There were very few options for summer camps, but we did get E to a soccer camp and a couple of golf camps.  Work was slightly less busy so I could balance a bit better.  I also started getting up early to work before anyone else got up.  That freed up some more time during the day to entertain the kids.  At the end of the summer I realized that my parents were not going to be able to come for Christmas so that was sad, but we knew that even though vaccines were being developed, they would not be ready for Christmas and so no travel for my parents.  Also Nova Scotia was not going to lift their mandatory 14 day quarantine anytime soon, so travelling there wasn't an option either.

September 2020 - The kids finally returned to school and it was wonderful.  Even with the masks, daily health screenings, and other measures, it was great for them to be back in the building.  And Q was starting Junior Kindergarten.  Q had a runny nose and E had a stomach bug so we got tested for Covid and had a few days off of school.  It was a little confusing about the rules for testing, staying home, new versus existing symptoms, but we figured it out.  We had a small backyard birthday party for Q with our neighbours.  We were able to eat outside at restaurants and that was lovely.  

October 2020 - We had to deal with some isolation days home from school for E since there were two cases of the school with whom he was a close contact.  His teacher did a fabulous job of online learning and I saw a marked difference from the previous school year.   We still kept quite close to home and we did have the neighbour kids in our house, but no one else.  E was able to have a small indoor birthday party with three close friends (from his class) and we felt comfortable with that.  Traditional trick or treating was cancelled in Toronto but we organized our neighbourhood so if people wanted to they could put treats outside for the kids to pick up in the early evening and that was fun.

November and December 2020 - We saw the cases rising again in Ontario and we knew we would be in for a long winter.  Toronto was locked down in late November and we stopped having people over to hang out inside. Thankfully school remained open and we were fine to stay at home the rest of the time.  We spent Christmas alone since having a second household of Dave's parents coming to visit was not permitted in the lock down zone of Toronto.

January to March 2021 - And then school remained closed after the holiday break, and the kids were back home for virtual school. Although we were a bit more organized than we had been in the springtime, it was still a lot to manage. Q is in Junior Kindergarten so he had online school but his attention span was short and he needed me to sit with him in order for him to participate.  We put in a good effort but we peaced out early most days.  E's teacher was phenomenal and he was able to do his classes and work independently.  We were extremely grateful that classes resumed in mid-February.  Toronto only just recently moved from the Stay At Home order to the Grey Zone.  March Break was pushed to April, so I'm hoping that the cases will level off (as they have started climbing again) and the kids will be able to return to school for the rest of the term and that summer camps will be available.

I saw an Instagram poll earlier this week that asked if you felt Sad or Grateful about being a year into this pandemic.  It didn't really occur to me to feel sad, I know we have missed out on a lot of things (seeing family from away, travel, sports, extra-curricular school activities, real time interaction with people outside of our family of four, enjoying our city's offerings, etc.) but we have all remained healthy, we have enjoyed many things that would not have happened if not for staying home.  When I do start to get disappointed I remember that the bible shows us many instances of people being alone and isolated and that God used that time to prepare them for something greater.  They were able to meet God in new and unexpected ways, so I am hoping that is what this time will prove to be for me.

So I suppose you could say I am Grateful for this time and I will be grateful for the opportunities that come out of this, for changing our habits, and appreciating all those blessings we will get to return to once we can safely do so.  This has been quite the time to live through and although we try to make comparisons to other times in our history, this is unique.  We have been extremely fortunate and I know that is not how it has been for everyone.  We kept our jobs and did not have to work outside the home, we have reliable internet so we could connect on our various platforms with ease, and we have a comfortable and safe home.  I know that staying home was not really to protect ourselves but to do our part to help protect others, the ones that can't stay at home and the ones that are much more vulnerable than we are.

Also remember this isn't over, we have to keep going for now, wear your mask (or two!), stay distance, avoid big crowds, and wash your hands. 

Inauguration Day

Canadians are usually interested in what is going on with our neighbours to the South, and the last four years have been no exception.  I remember the tremendous sadness I felt with Donald Trump won the election in 2016.  Not only was he an abysmal choice on its own but I was so disappointed that Hillary Clinton, who has worked hard her whole life and was such a a qualified candidate, lost.  This was my post at that time.

Throughout Trump's term of office there would be certain events or declarations made where I thought, "Okay, Trump can't possibly survive this. He will be kicked out of office", and I would feel excited that this was it, he's gone.  And each time (and there were so many), nothing would happen. All would be forgotten and we would be onto the next thing.  So after a couple of years of that, I gave up, and my saying was "Just let me know when the series finale is on and I'll tune in then".  Meaning this seemed like a television series that kept giving us cliffhangers but then the series would just keep being renewed and the main characters remained.  If I hung onto each possibility that Trump could be removed, then I was always disappointed.  I even thought the "series" would be renewed for another four years, but now here we are finally at the series finale. 

I will be watching the inauguration today and looking forward to the end of Trump's term.  I hope it is the last we hear of him although given his nature and that of his family members, I know they will probably be lurking somewhere.  

I have always liked Joe Biden and I love that Kamala Harris will be there as his VP.  For many people, we feel like we can breath a sign of relief.  Although there will always be problems that seem unsurmountable, at least they will now be approached by an administration that is steady, calm, measured, and empathetic. 

Lock Down Update

Every few months I have updated you with how things are going at our house as we live through this pandemic. In November I wrote about how we mask. In October I wrote about what our "new normal" was, with the kids being back at school, but with still many restrictions in place. In September and June I shared other updates. 

As you know, we live in the City of Toronto.  We typically have the highest rates of Covid-19 cases and deaths in Ontario (and I guess by extension in Canada). We therefore have been the last ones to have restrictions lifted and the first ones to have restrictions added back on. I know that our Mayor and Premier are trying to balance various interests, and I do not envy this difficult task.  We want to keep stores, restaurants, gyms, theatres, and other places of business running, we want students to be able to learn in person at school, not at home, and we want to keep everyone safe and our hospitals not overwhelmed. Unfortunately the cases have been steadily climbing since the end of the summer, so it means that something isn't working. 

So now we are in a province-wide lock-down, but aside from the kids being home from school, this isn't too different from mid-November when Toronto went into its own lockdown with retail stores and (all on premises dining at) restaurants having to close down again. One would think that the stronger language used by the government to get people to stay home would help, but I don't think it's doing much.  I think for the people already following the rules (going out for food and exercise only, wearing masks even outside when a 2 metre distance can't be maintained), and staying away from people who aren't in your household (exceptions for people who live alone of course), then we are going to keep doing those things, and the rest of the "rule-breakers" may slightly change their behaviour but will likely keep doing what they want.  

Virtual schooling is a struggle but I know we can get through it.  Working from home with the kids here will keep happening, but it will mean getting up early and working after supper.  Planning ahead for meals and grocery shopping to limit trips already happens here anyway.  The boys have played with friends at the playground but we aren't inviting people over, even to hang out outside.  

We are in it for the long haul as it will be several months before enough people are vaccinated and we can truly say the pandemic is over. Our parents may get it earlier, but Dave and I will be some of the later people to get it (we are "young", healthy, and we are not essential workers).  But we know we are very lucky to be safe in our home, with much of our family living in safer places than we are, and no one in long term care.  As the weather warms up and more people are vaccinated into the spring, then we can hope for some more activities and more opportunities to see friends and family.  

I have heard two things recently about being isolated, having to change our behaviour and evaluating what is important.  One was a story about Chris Hadfield (thanks Mark), our Canadian astronaut, who said while he was struggling in space, often alone, it forced him to work away at his values, bringing them into focus, and figuring out what was really important.  When he returned to Earth he had a better sense of who he was and how that translated to his work and relationships with family and friends.

The other is from the bible (thanks Narci), where there are many figures who spent time alone (Jesus, Elijah, and others).  In all of those instances isolation was vital in God's process in preparing their lives for something better.  They met God in new and unexpected ways.  A different way to look at this time. 

US Election

Last October when Canada held its Federal election (remember that? it was so long ago) I wrote a letter to Peter Mansbridge's podcast (which he read on the show), and I'll copy it here since it sort of mirrors what is going on the United States.  (A little background, Peter had said that typically Canadian elections come down to one single question and that is what people cast their vote for (or against), with the rest of the issues sort of fading into the background.)

My question ties together two themes you touched on this week - the ballot question and how Canadians feel about our identity/image.  If the ballot question will be "Do you like Justin Trudeau as Prime Minister?" and the answer ends up being "No, we're tired of him, let's go with Andrew Scheer?", how can that then be reconciled with an image of Canada being an open and welcoming society, progressive in its views on climate change, feminism, and so on, if our PM will then be pro-life and climate indifferent?  Perhaps if Scheer is elected, then my view of what Canada thinks of itself is wrong, but I have to believe that the majority of people would like a leader that looks to the future rather than one trying to backtrack to the "good old days".  Or would his election actually force us to look at ourselves in the mirror, rather than just patting ourselves on the back if Trudeau wins again, and ignoring some fairly significant flaws in our national fabric (you know the ones).

So at the end of the day, Trudeau was elected again and although won a minority, it was enough for me to say that we are still a fundamentally good country and we will still make the right decision.  Now there are many more nuances there since Andrew Scheer didn't exactly inspire confidence and "lost" the election more than you could say Trudeau "won" it.  But overall, I think a lot of us patted ourselves on the back and did not really acknowledge the differences that exist in our country.  

In the opposite way, you could see that the United States has been deeply divided for some time, long before Donald Trump became President, but many people believed that this year things would turn around and the country could be more united and electing Biden would be proof of that.  Many people thought that this would be an early landslide victory for the Democrats and then Trump and the Republicans could back down and things could carry on, with only a slight four year blip in a relatively stable country.  That did not happen.  As I write this, we still do not know the official end result, but we do know that many many people have no problem whatsoever with Trump as their President, and that is the thing that troubles me.  Even if Biden manages to win the election, the United States cannot ignore the deep divisions, and it may not pat itself on the back. There are big problems down there and having Biden as President won't solve those problems overnight.  

New Normal?

For the past several months I feel like many of us are just trying to survive, and I don't just mean trying to avoid Covid by washing hands, wearing masks, keeping distant, etc. but also trying to juggle our multiple responsibilities that have converged into one place, our homes.  It has been a lot, and with the return to school for most children, there has been some sense that things are getting back to "normal" even though we are really still so far from that previous world we lived in as recently as early March 2020.  

Although my children have attended school for a grand total of 8 days for Q and 10 days for E (with some sick days keep them home for 5 and 4 days respectively), things are not remotely back to normal. I am still working from home, with no planned return date to the office.  Our office is open to anyone who wants to use it, but I'm not keen on travelling downtown unless I need to.  So I may go in every once in awhile but putting in a full day, dressed in work clothes, and wearing makeup, seems a far way off.  And for school, it's just a matter of time before the kids will be sick again, and even though the rules have changed a bit and a simple runny nose doesn't mean the kid has to get a Covid test before returning to school, there will still be more sick days. And I'm sure we will need to be tested for Covid again if there are new coughs or multiple symptoms. 

And for the rest of the things we used to do to keep busy, now we mostly just go for local hikes and bike rides now, thank goodness we had golf this summer.  No street fairs, birthday parties, museums, trips on the subway, shopping, restaurants, or extra-curricular school activities.  And we have no travel plans, and no one can come to see us either.  We don't attend church in person and I don't go to the gym in person.  I am lucky that both of these things are offered virtually, and the offering is fabulous, but it's not the same.  Going to the grocery store is also a chore since there are often lines to get in, as well as some shortages beginning (paper towel and popcorn kernels anyone?). 

I do like staying at home and there are certain events that I don't miss, but there is no end in sight to a lot of these things. And now with our cases rising, and the cooler weather approaching, I wonder how the winter will feel.  I guess we will still keep feeling our way through this, adapting as we go, trying not to get too overwhelmed.  I saw a quote that said "Don't let your coping mechanism become your comfort zone".  We all have our coping mechanisms, that's for sure, and since they have gone on for so long, likely some have become our comfort zone.  We are still giving ourselves a break, and I think that's still okay.  But habits can form quickly, and we've been doing some of these things for several months now, so I wonder what will stick for us and for society.  Will we all be keen to jump right back into old activities as soon as we can (whenever that will be)? Or will we all be adopting some of these new practices forever?  Are we holding out for a time that will never come? Will more people start growing their own food? Will air travel be a luxury that only some will enjoy?  Will the office towers in Toronto remain empty?  How many restaurants will close?  Will we all just stream movies instead of going to the theatre? Will there be any movies to watch? I'm not sure, and I'm not trying to be morose, I'm just curious.  There are also good habits we may have adopted that will stick and should stick.

Thanks for sticking through this rambling, and I'm interested to know your thoughts too.  Maybe I will do some polls on Instagram to see what people think. Stay tuned for that.

Tough Times

These are some tough times for a lot of people right now, but a couple of specific people I want to write about today:

Ahmaud Arbery - Black man, killed while out for a run, while the whole thing was recorded.  The only reason why the shooters were arrested was because the video was eventually circulated online, causing outrage.  Without that, the two men (along with the person recording it) would have likely never been considered to have committed a crime.

George Floyd - Black man, killed by police, in broad daylight, on camera. The story is that he tried to use a forged cheque at a grocery store so police were called.  Even if that was true, and I have no idea, being choked to death by the police is not a proportionate response, and would have been unlikely to happen if it was a white man (and unlikely the police would have been called in the first place).

Regis Korchinski-Paquet - Black woman, fell to her death from an apartment building in my neighbourhood.  The police have said she committed suicide, her family says she was pushed by police.  We do not know the answers yet but in any event it is a tragedy that ended with the death of a black woman and the police are involved.

Christian Cooper - Black man, threatened with police by white woman in Central Park.  This did not end his death, but we have seen this story play out so many times that had it progressed to that, it would not have surprised anyone.

(and there are so many more names...)

Why does this keep happening?  What needs to change so that a black man can go for a run, or speak up to a white woman to put her dog on a leash, without the fear of death?  These sound like stories from the Deep South of the United States in the early 1900s, not 2020 in the Northern States and Canada.  Racism runs deep and we cannot ignore it.  Those suffering from it can certainly not ignore it.

Sometimes I feel like I can't get into the dark stuff because it's too much, and self-preservation is a real thing, but it's also incredibly insensitive and plain lazy of me to do that too.  As a white, straight, well-off person, it is very easy for me to just float through life turning away from real injustices because they don't directly affect my daily life. But it is exactly this privilege that requires me to say something.  I do my best to expose myself to different points of view, different cultures where I can learn something, by reading and through my Twitter and Instagram follows, but there will always be more that I can do, and more you can do. If we can remind ourselves to never stop questioning things and never completely shut ourselves off from the bad things, then we can do some good, and be part of the solution.

The other day I was reminded that the sun is always shining even when you can't see it, whether it is nighttime where you are, or if it is cloudy above you, the sun is always beyond that, shining and infinite.  The same is true for God, He is always with you even if it seems like things are so terrible and so impossible. His love is always there for you to turn to.

"Having it all"

The other day at the event I went to where they talked about the personality test, the presenter also posed the question: "Show of hands, who thinks they have a balanced life".  I raised my hand, but soon saw that the question was supposed to be rhetorical and no one else had raised their hands.  So then I took my hand down.  There is a misconception out there that we are all supposed to be running around with our heads cut off and straining to find this elusive balance.  Do I think my life is perfect? No. But do I think I'm doing a good job? Sure!

So many articles are written about "having it all", this is apparently very difficult for women especially.  But what does "all" mean?  Chances are, you already have it all, or at least enough.  The problem is that people don't realize it, they are always looking back or looking ahead, either yearning for the "good old days" or waiting for that day when everything will be perfect. I don't mean all of the time, sure there are bad days when you miss people who are gone, or you are not enjoying school or work or your home and you know there will be a bright day ahead when you can make a change there, but there are lots of good things that can get overlooked.

I am not a psychologist or life coach, but I will say this:  Think about what is important to you, and keep it simple - family time, sleep, exercise, career, etc.  Then make quality time in your day for those things.  I say quality, not necessarily quantity, because we are busy people, but when you've got some time, do the things you enjoy and the things that are important to you.  When you know you've spent time doing those things, you can feel better that your life is balanced. And then you can stop chasing it!

I wrote this post about things that I like to do and how I fit them into my day.

"Balance"

What the Health

We watched the Netflix documentary "What the Health" last week.  I had heard a few people talking about and how amazing and shocking it was.  I love documentaries about food and the food industry (like "Fed Up") so of course I was interested.  People have said that there is no way you could watch this doc and not immediately become a vegan.  To say the least, I did not have that same reaction.

First of all I thought it wasn't very well made - it was full of big reveals, shocking statistics, and gotcha moments, but it all felt false and fell flat in my opinion.  I've read a few articles since that say the stats they provide are not based on reputable studies, and I'm not surprised.  The claims they make about eggs (like eating one is the equivalent to smoking five cigarettes when it comes to cancer), and fish (that every kind of fish contains so many toxins it shouldn't be legal sell it), and milk (when you breastfeed your baby you're basically poisoning them with the toxins and hormones found in cow's milk) are outlandish.  You think I'm exaggerating with the statements in brackets, but that's the tone of the documentary, and I was annoyed with it pretty early on.   I wanted to turn it off but I did derive some pleasure from scoffing at their tactics.  There are many good reasons to be a vegan, but you need to go beyond this doc.

It is unfortunate that their scare mongering distracts the viewer from some good information buried in there.  It is very interesting that the milk, beef, pork, and chicken industries are direct sponsors of various health organizations/societies (like the American Cancer Society, etc.) and if you're trying to reduce something like heart disease then maybe you shouldn't be including recipes with bacon in them.  But it didn't surprise me and the phone calls and interviews that the documentary maker had with those people where he tried to "catch" them in a lie, seemed a bit over the top.

I think everyone should take everything they read and watch with a grain of salt (no, not salt, what about the cholesterol!) and realize that everyone has an agenda and they will present the details that work to promote that agenda - that goes for big pharma, the pork industry, vegans, environmentalists, everyone.  Dave just read something yesterday about the revision of Canada's Food Guide; Health Canada has said that no food industry will be allowed to meet privately with the Health Canada representatives.  They can make submissions, like any member of the public, but they won't be given special treatment.

That all being said we do want to eat more meatless meals, and we want to avoid processed foods as much as we can (even though sometimes it can't be helped).  I know that things like added salt, added sugar, added fat, and the lack of natural fibre does cause problems so the closer a food is to its natural state, the better for us.  I don't plan on cutting meat out of my diet but we have tried to eat more plant based protein, like lentils and quinoa.

The nice thing about quinoa is that you can add whatever complimentary flavours you want and you have a quick easy meal.  I've made this Thai Quinoa recipe a few times, and this is a fun one with California flavours (bonus points for the edamame).

Everything in moderation my friends. 

What is the norm?

So another attack happened in London this weekend.  I thought it was interesting that I had just posted about Borough Market in my London trip post last week.  It was a few years ago but I know the places where these attacks have happened, including the one on Tower Bridge and at Parliament a few months back.  This is similar to when I wrote about Paris in 2015; I walked these streets where there has been terror and fear.

We hear things like "We will not be afraid, we will not stop going out and living our lives, we will stand tall in the face of evil, etc", and I am in full support of those comments.  We also hear things about how these attacks are now just part of our lives and we need to simply be vigilant and careful.  Although this may be true, it seems so sad that this is our norm.

I mean, can ISIS (and their followers far and wide) be stopped?  I don't know.  When England was under constant threat of IRA bombs during "the Troubles", they carried on and eventually it came to an end, but this seems different.  It doesn't seem like these terrorists are getting bored with their mission to cause pain and fear in the world.  And yet, our response is that we will not be afraid, we will not stop going out...(see above), so if no one is willing to bend, then I guess this is our new norm?  I can't remember the exact quote but in last week's episode of The Handmaid's Tale, Janine says something about how what we don't really notice when things become normal, and she was talking about dead bodies hanging by the river.  The bodies had been removed for some visiting dignitaries and they were cleaning up the leftover blood.  Janine commented about how the absence of the bodies looked so different.  Granted Janine is a little out there but it was telling, the dead bodies were her norm, when that is so horrifying.

We get accustomed to hearing about these attacks, they vary over the years, but the underlying message remains the same.  We are almost immune to attacks that don't take place in "Western" countries.  People are killed and injured by car bombs, suicide bombers, shootings, etc. in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Syria, etc. all the time, but it is only when there are attacks in Paris and England does the world take notice with its Twitter hashtags and vigils.

I have no answers, as usual, but I wanted to put some thoughts down.  As I often do, I will leave you with a relevant bible verse:

International Women's Day

Yesterday was International Women's Day.  I tried explaining it to E like this, "a long time ago, people didn't think that women were very important, but we are important, and this day celebrates that fact".  It was breakfast time, and I didn't go into too many details, but it was a start.  Unfortunately it is not "a long time ago" but something that we are still dealing with, particularly given the discussions during the US election and since.

People were giving Sophie Gregoire-Trudeau a hard time because she posted something for International Women's Day about celebrating the men in our lives who support and encourage us.  She included a photo of her holding hands with Justin.  It wasn't her only message but it was the first one she posted about.  I think people had a hard time with it because it seemed contrary to the celebration of women that this day represents.  But I got her point, and I support it; we need to include men in the dialogue in order for women to be treated equally.  Men make up just less than 50% of the total population, we are going to be running into to them forever.  They are certainly part of the problem, so let's make them part of the solution as well!!

I have posted about being a mother to boys before (here) and how to pass along the message of feminism to them.  Having a male Prime Minster who proudly embraces that term certainly will help a lot, although my boys are too young to really grasp it now.  My current goal is to discourage the concept of "girl colours" or "girl toys", and to make sure they know that there is nothing a woman can't do.  You'll often here me reiterating the point that "women can be astronauts too" or adding "or she" to E's (or Dave's) sentences.  The gender stereotypes are alive and well in this world so I am trying to counteract that, and hopefully E and Q will grow up questioning those stereotypes as well.

The other day I saw Kellyanne Conway say she isn't a feminist because that term has always seemed "anti-men" to her (she also said "pro-abortion" but that's a discussion for another day), and I'm sure she isn't alone in that opinion.  That is a problem, and that is why I think Sophie's message was all the more important.  If women (and girls) and men (and boys) only see feminism as being pro-woman and anti-men, then they won't get the actual message - women and men should be treated equally, we should all be allowed to choose the life we want for ourselves based on other factors besides gender, and we should never be made to feel  less than anyone else because of our gender.  I'm not raising a girl, but I am raising boys; I can't ignore the role that men play in the treatment of women, so I want to include them in the dialogue and recognize the men that do get it.

What to do?

When the Olympics are happening, since I follow a lot of athletes and Canadian journalists, my Twitter feed is full of tweets about the Games, and when I see a Tweet that isn't about the Olympics, then I am almost confused like, "what could they be talking about? Isn't everyone else as obsessed with the Olympics as I am? How could they be carrying on with their normal lives?".

I feel the same way now - I follow a lot of like minded individuals on Twitter, and have weeded out some non-like minded ones, and so my Twitter feed is filled with condemnation of Trump and his executive orders, support for the protests, and a sharing of information needed to navigate this new world we have found ourselves in. This was especially true on Saturday evening as travellers (some holding US Green Cards no less) from Iran, Iraq, Somalia, etc. were being detained in airports across the United States and regular people were doing everything they could to get them released.  We sat and scrolled through our feeds, refreshing the trending hashtags and reading what people were doing.  A lot of people on my Facebook were also posting on the topic and even some things on my Instagram were relevant to these events.  Like during the Olympics, when I would come across a post about something not related to this, I would be confused for a minute, "what are they talking about?".  Right now, bad things are happening in the United States and we need to pay attention to them.  They are a powerful nation, a large nation, both geographically and by population; what it does affects the entire world, we cannot underestimate this.  Canada stands to lose a lot from policies enacted and carried out by the US.  I was proud to see our Prime Minister and some Premiers explicitly welcome all people to our borders.

I know I held onto some hope that Donald Trump could not do too much damage, that he was only one person in a large organization with checks and balances, that he was all bluster and he would fall into line once taking office.  Sure, he would push the Republican agenda, but it wouldn't get out of hand.  We have seen that this is not the case.  In addition to this ban on travellers from Muslim countries, there has been a freeze on the Environmental Protection Agency, a gag order for governmental agencies, and of course the appointment of individuals to executive positions that seem like jokes since they are so completely inappropriate, but they sadly are not jokes, it's all real.

However I do still have hope, as shown by the millions who marched on day after the inauguration and those who went to airports across the country on Saturday night, and those who post messages of support for those protesters, and the judge who granted the injunction, however temporary, and the list goes on.  Good people are out there and they will continue to do good things,  but we cannot sit by silently, just living our lives and pretending this isn't happening.   We have all read this before:

I can't remember if it was a tweet or a poster from the airport protests but it said: "First they came for the Muslims and we said, 'Not this time, motherfucker!'".  Let this be our thought this time.  Don't hide your head in the sand and just carry on.  I mean, yes, carry on with your life, but be aware of what's going on and do what you can.  I don't know what that is for me yet, and it may be as simple as challenging comments I see. I don't expect to win the arguments, but I don't want to let these things go anymore. There is a campaign out there that says "make it awkward".  When someone makes a bigoted, sexist or racist comment or something, call them out, don't be silent.  People think that because of Brexit and Trump that this language is acceptable, it isn't, don't let this be the norm.  Speak up.  Stay woke. 

I entitled this post "What to do?".  I don't know what to do, but doing nothing isn't an option.  

It takes a long time sometimes

When I say the title of this post, I hear Scout's voice from the movie To Kill a Mockingbird.  If you are familiar with this movie, this is the scene where she, Jem and Dill broke up the mob in front of the jail and she spies Mr. Cunningham.  She starts talking to him about his entailment, and trails off with "It takes a long time sometimes...".

Last week I announced that we are expecting our second child in October. This means that our children will be 5 years apart to the month.  It took me really no time to get pregnant with E.  It felt like forever at the time, but it was really just about 4 months.  For this baby, it has taken a lot longer.  I had always had my life plan in mind to go like this: get married by the time I'm 27 (which happened, I got married a few weeks before my 27th birthday), and have my first child by the time I was 30 (and I turned 30 the year E was born).  I forgot to "plan" for the second child, assuming that it would just come along without the need to have a goal.

But month after month, and year after year, it did not happen. It felt like everyone was getting pregnant and people were moving onto their second and third children.  We knew we wanted more but were always hit by different obstacles.  No one likes too much detail so I won't give much (but if you want more, feel free to reach out and ask), but basically I had to have a couple of surgeries that prolonged the time between first and second child. Throughout all of this, always in the back of my mind, I would hear Scout's voice and it gave me some encouragement.  Life does not just happen the way you want it to, it takes a long time sometimes. 

My plan, as much as I pretended was right on track and then got derailed, was irrelevant.  Really, I could only rely on God's plan and for Him to see me through whatever was in store.  These verses really did bring me comfort and helped me from feeling overwhelmed and sorry for myself:

Psalm 55:22 - Cast your cares on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.

Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Isaiah 40:30-31 - Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Philippians 4:6 - Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God.

If you are also waiting on something to happen, hopefully these will sustain you too.

Paris

I was really sad to hear about the news of the terrorist attacks in Paris on Friday afternoon.  We went to Paris on our honeymoon and it is definitely one of my favourite cities.  We stayed in the 10e Arrondissement and we walked around these same streets where there was terror and fear on Friday night.  It could have been Barcelona when we were there last month; it could have been Toronto when we were out on Friday night.  The targets were young people out enjoying their weekend.  I have seen a lot of tweets and posts about how terror attacks happen all the time around the world, so why are we so affected by Paris; the reaction seems disproportionate.  It's a valid point, but I think the reason why people are so upset by this is because it is relatable, like I've said above.  A lot of people have actually been to Paris so it does hit home a little more.

E is always talking about bad guys and good guys, so this weekend I made sure I taught him the lesson that "no matter how many bad guys there are, there are always more good guys".  That is true again in this scenario.  #porteouverte was a good example, where regular people opened their homes to strangers to get them off the street, not to mention the first responders who do their job so professionally.  Humanity always shines through. 

The same goes for all of the stupid and ignorant comments I have seen going around the internet.  The idiotic things that come out of people's mouths and keyboards are upsetting, but I guess not surprising.  At least with all of these terrible things, there are even more people out there calling them out for their bigotry.  I definitely muted a few people from my newsfeed this week.  I'm just so tired of seeing these same comments when it is so obvious (to me) that they are misguided.  

And while I'm still on this topic, I wanted to compliment the CBC for their well rounded and balanced coverage of the events on Friday in Paris.  On Saturday morning I got up early and watched CBC Newsworld and BBC to see what they were saying.  Their coverage was not sensational and simply told the story and shared whatever substantiated details that they could.  In contrast, I flipped to CNN and the banner on that channel was about how one of the terrorists had a Syrian passport.  The language used by CNN vs. CBC and BBC were also markedly different.  I was reminded of the attack in Ottawa last year when Peter Mansbridge covered the events as they unfolded and did so in a very measured and calm manner.   

I will pray for Paris, and for Beirut, and for Syria, and for all of the places around the world where there is terror.  But I will always have faith that there are more good people than bad. 

You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; for the depths of the earth you will bring me up again.  You will increase my greatness and comfort me again.  

Psalms 71:20-21

(or if you prefer the old language)

Thou, which hast shewed me great and sore troubles, shalt quicken me again, and shalt bring me up again from the depths of the earth.  Thou shalt increase my greatness, and comfort me on every side. 

Being Happy

I read this article over the weekend about why people under the age of 35 are not happy.  Basically, the way we have been raised has led us to the attitude that we should be completely fulfilled in our lives immediately upon starting our careers.  We have been told we are special and that means that we should therefore stand out among our peers.  Now there isn't anything wrong with being told we are special, but by its very definition, we can't all be special, otherwise the word loses meaning.  It's a good article, especially since it has some fun illustrations featuring a shiny unicorn, complete with rainbow. 

Being happy is different for each person obviously, but I think the "expectations" part of the article's equation is the most important.  When I look at certain parts of my life - work, social (including family and friends), and general wellbeing, I think I can safely say I am happy, but I have also tempered my expectations to account for this. 

My job is challenging, but I am still happy with being a lawyer at my firm.  Sure, some days I actually walk into work with the explicit thought of "this day is going to suck", but as long as I know that going in, then it will all be fine.  Usually those are the days when I'm trying to close a deal and know I'll be dealing with difficult clients or lawyers, or when I know I'm not going to have enough time to get stuff done.  

Of course I argue with my husband and yell at E a little too often, but this is obviously a part of being married and raising a small child.  

I don't tend to worry about things that I cannot change, even if I am disappointed by them.  Of course, the revers of doing that means that you don't expect more when you do deserve it or when you could do better.  It is a balancing act, and happiness is on a spectrum.  I certainly don't feel completely happy each and every moment of the day, but generally I feel pretty good about my life and the people in it.  

Things that contribute to my happiness - getting stuff done, being organized, looking after my family's needs, having people over to visit, being challenged at work and finding the answers, sharing jokes with friends, having something to look forward to (like a holiday or trip), and seeing E enjoying life.  

A rolling stone gathers no moss, so I didn't lie in the grass for too long that day;)

Media Wednesday

What the heck is going on at the University of Toronto lately? First there were the threats of violence against women and feminists posted on a message board, and then there was an advertisment for a White Student Union.  I know these things are not exclusive to U of T so I'm not really picking on them, just that both of these things happened this week.

The threats of violence really trouble me.  The comments on the message board were basically encouraging those people who felt feminists were being rude or disrespectful to them, to get some guns (vaguely directing them to someone on Jarvis Street where you could rent a gun) and then kill all the feminists or basically anyone at a women's studies or sociology class.  The comments were quickly deleted from the message boards, but social media got a hold of them and posted them to expose the comments so people know what is going on.

This is pretty terrible stuff, and even though violence never makes sense to me, this makes even less sense.  Even if someone hates women, how does killing us help the situation? (Well it doesn't, but bear with me for a minute.)  It's not like you can eliminate women from the world, and do these people seriously want to go back to a world where women have zero power and zero position?  Was that really a better time?  Don't these people have mothers? Girlfriends/wives? Sisters? Have they never met an intelligent female?  How are these attitudes being perpetuated?  It's one thing to think that women aren't as smart or worthy as men, but the desire to do them real harm is what disturbs me.  The thing I always say is that there are always more good people than bad people, and there was another example of that this week when U of T held rallies this week to denounce violence against women.

And then if that wasn't bad enough, someone put up the poster for a White Student Union.  This union is apparently needed to promote western civilization.  This is another disappointment in humanity.  Again the posters were quickly taken down and criticized, but this issue is also related to the protest against accepting refugees into Canada.  What are these "western ideals" that must be preserved?  For the most part people if you just mind your own business, then you won't be "offended" by the various people that now call Canada home.

One of the things I'm most proud of is that Toronto is a true multicultural city.  You can find just about every language in the world here, and there are few racially motivated crimes.  It is disappointing that the type of people to post these comments and and put up those ads live here, but they do.  That should just inspire the rest of us to be even more inclusive of everyone in this city.

I posted about feminism another time here.  The events of this past week only prove my point that being a feminist is not a bad thing, clearly our work is not done.

Praying

When I hear about someone who is sick or who has died, my immediate reaction is to say a prayer.  When people are sick, I pray for them to get well, that's an easy one.  When I hear people are dying, I pray for them to feel comfort and peace, and I pray for their family members to also feel comfort and peace and understanding and calmness.  When people have died, I pray for them to find their way home to God and for their family to feel the love of God in this difficult time.  I'm not an "expert" in praying so I try to keep it simple.  I will ask for things sometimes, for me and for other people, but usually I keep it to intangible things like peace, love, understanding, and comfort.  I pray for people I know and for strangers too.  I know there are many studies on the "power of prayer" and how it can have benefits for people, either for the people doing the praying or for those who are the subject of the prayer.  I'm not sure what exactly what those benefits are, but I know that praying brings me comfort too; when people are sick or dying and you don't know what to do, sometimes the only thing I can think of is to say a prayer.   Those times can be overwhelming and it is something I can turn to when I can think of nothing else.

I also thank God for the good things in my life and it ranges from my family to the freedom of my country to the fresh air I breathe.  I don't take for granted all of the blessings I have, and I think it is just as important to say a prayer for the good things, and not just when you're asking for something (even when that thing is for someone else).

On a separate and related note, I always want to tell people I am praying for them, but I usually don't say it.  I find so many people are not really "into" faith and religion that I don't know what they would think if I said I would be praying for them.  But I always do say a prayer. And for those people who don't "believe", I say an extra prayer for them that they will still feel the love of God, even if they don't know what it is, but if they have peace in their hearts, I wish that for them.

If you're not sure how to pray, just speak from your heart, there is no wrong way to do it.  Thank God for your blessing, and "let your requests be known unto God" (Philippians 4:6).

Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. John 14:1

Media Wednesday

Last week there was an altercation at a pool in McKinney, Texas.  I stumbled across this story on Twitter because McKinney was trending, and since my favourites bloggers (Shay, Andrea, Erika, et al) live in McKinney I checked it out.  What I found was quite troubling.  (Disclaimer, I don't know all of the facts, I am only piecing this together from a few news reports I read and some comments on Twitter - crack journalism over here).  From what I understand, and on a really basic level, there was a group of black teenagers that crashed a pool party.  The (white) people at the pool called the cops.  After the cops arrive, at least one of them drew his gun on the teenagers and the kids were pinned them to the ground.  The teenagers were unarmed and were mostly wearing their bathing suits so, other than mouthing off, they did not seem to be much of a threat.  

Obviously there would be more to this story than this, there always is, but it reminded me of something I heard from the podcast, This American Life, a few weeks ago.  It was just one person's opinion but it is an interesting perspective.  Think for a minute that the world is divided into  "white space" and "black space".  White space, for example, is an office building, a cafe, a middle to upper class neighbourhood, etc.  Black space is a rough neighbourhood, a certain type of bar or restaurant, but not too many other places.  When we see a black person in a white space, our brain automatically questions what they are doing there, even if just for a split second.  That (even tiny) suspicion is the root of many of the race tensions that have always existed but that we are seeing a lot of recently.  In the pool party example above, those black teenagers were in a "white space" and that is how the problem started.

To be clear, the concept of this white/black space is a way someone has tried to explain the cause of the problems, I obviously do not think there are places where black people shouldn't be.

Here in Canada, we see a lot of these tragic white cop vs black teenager encounters in the United States and we think that those things do not happen here.  And maybe we don't see it as often (probably due to our much smaller population), but we have our own problems.  Carding is a regular practice in Toronto, and it is basically reliant on the whole white space/black space.  Carding is the police practice of stopping people on the street and collecting information about them; the cops do not need reasonable grounds to stop someone.  Why are the cops carding a disproportionate amount of black men in Toronto? Is it because they are in a white space, so they are automatically suspicious?  The mayor and the new (black) chief of police of Toronto are actively trying to address questions about this practice and why it continues.  I cannot see its merit, and from a "law and economics" perspective (and I did take this class in law school and I still have the book), I do not think the benefit of maybe finding a suspect for a crime or stopping crime by carding people, outweighs the cost it has on our treatment of citizens of this city.  I actually think that Toronto is so lucky because of all of the cultures we have, and the variety of neighbourhoods that border each other almost seamlessly.  It is common to drive or walk only a short distance and end up in a completely different place - both culturally and socio-economically.  I think that helps to build a strong community.  For the most part people go about their business without incident.

So although we do have it pretty good in Toronto, and in Canada in general, there are still many reasons why we can't hold ourselves in higher regard than our US neighbours (police treatment of the mentally ill and Aboriginals just a few other issues).

In summary, you should listen to This American Life.  It isn't always about race, but they do some really thoughtful stories about it, and other important topics.  It will make you think, if nothing else.

Being Charitable

I don't talk much about religion on this blog or in my everyday life (and I don't plan on making it a central feature of this blog, although you may hear from me again on this topic), but since Christmas is approaching, I think it is appropriate to talk about it for a moment.  I know many people who don't believe in Jesus as our Saviour, still celebrate Christmas, and to each their own, but for me "Jesus is the reason for the season" (I know this is a cliché, but go with it). 

In church this past weekend, the sermon was about being charitable, and feeding those who are hungry, giving water to those who are thirsty, clothing the naked, treating the sick, and visiting those in prison.  What the bible reading said was when you serve the vulnerable and down-trodden, you are really serving Jesus.  When you choose to turn away and ignore those people who need help, you are really ignoring Jesus.  It was those who served Jesus through those people that went to Heaven, and I don't need to spell out the fate of those who didn't.  It is really a simple message. Maybe you believe in this version, maybe your faith has something similar, or maybe you are just someone who believes in "treat others the way you want to be treated".  We are so fortunate, but what if that was to change?  What would we do without our warm homes, our full cupboards, our working cars with full tanks of gas, etc.?  Society is built around people helping each other, so I don't think we even need to go to the bible to figure out why we should help people, although it doesn't hurt if that's what you believe.

When you're able to take your money or your time, and apply it to helping others, you can make a difference in this world.  It really isn't an inconvenience, when you think about the true challenges that people face on a daily basis.

If you're making a donation of money, gifts or your time this month for Christmas, remember to carry it forward throughout the year. You don't need to give to everyone, maybe you just pick one or two sources.  For me, I like charities that work with local people - shelters, food banks, hospitals, my church.  I like to contribute to the hampers that my work puts together for families in the community.  I am guilty too of really only paying attention at Christmas, but I will strive to be one of the sheep, not one of the goats. 

Remembrance Day - Lest we forget

Remembrance Day is an important day to me.  Growing up, we always attended the local services at the cenotaph in my hometown and watched the national service from Ottawa.  I can recite In Flanders Fields, and sing it, and my favourite hymn is Abide with Me, one they usually sing around this time of year.

For me, Remembrance Day has always been about the World Wars.  Those young men and women who answered the call from their country to take up arms and fight the enemy were of a different era.  They signed up, trained for war, and for those who lived, came home and carried on.  Many were not career servicemen, just regular folks, but they were ready to serve. There are less and less veterans from WWII that go to the Ottawa ceremony, but I remember seeing them march and you could see the posture straighten, and their smart salute, and realize that although it may be a little rusty, it was something ingrained in their being.

My grandparents are the people I think about on Remembrance Day, and people like them.  My grandfather was in university and then signed up with the Royal Canadian Air Force and became a navigator.  He spent the war overseas with his air crew.  They spent some time in Scotland and had very few active missions, if any.  He didn't like to talk about his service, and I think part of him felt like he didn't really do anything, since he didn't have a lot of missions.  Of course the very fact that he volunteered is enough to say he did something.  When the war was over he came home, finished his education, married my grandmother and worked as a veterinarian until he retired.

Part of Papa's squadron - he is on the bottom right.

Papa's service medals

Papa's log book

My grandmother had her own stories, and she was a "farmerette" during the war.  Girls from the country worked on the farms to cover the shortage of men.   She also went into nursing, but did not continue with this profession after she married my grandfather.  She had many stories of the local boys that didn't come home and the effect of that on their families.

Remembrance Day has expanded to recognize our more recent involvement in peacekeeping and active missions in the Middle East.  The service of our military since the World Wars is certainly important and should be recognized.  My father was in the military for many years, retired now, and he could tell many stories of the work done around the world by our military and the work he did and that is continued to be done by our military is something that needs to be recognized everyday, not just on Remembrance Day.

On Remembrance Day, I am not interested in the politics, and controversies around why wars are fought, how they are started, why Canada is involved, I just want to remember those who served in the name of this country.

...we will remember them.